


I'm Afraid Of All I Am

by Arithese



Series: Dick and Dami Week 2019 [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Dick and Dami Week 2019, Dick blames himself, Family Feels, Fear gas, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Scarecrow - Freeform, Slight Mention of Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arithese/pseuds/Arithese
Summary: When Dick is hit with a new version of fear gas, it's Damian who finds him. Day 3 of Dick and Dami week 2019; fear gas/ injury





	I'm Afraid Of All I Am

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 everyone! Fear gas/injury, of course as the sadist I am, I did both :3

February 7th, 2020. 22:54

"Grayson?" Damian asks in a low voice, landing softly on the rooftop. The snow crunched under his boots, almost a deafening sound against the silence that hung around them. Grayson was turned around, back facing to him. But his muscles were tense, tight with anticipation, or worry maybe, Damian couldn't tell.

His older brother didn't move for a moment, before he suddenly whirled around.

"How are you here?" Grayson sneered, and Damian's eyes widened at the venomous tone.

"Grayson." He whispered, suddenly feeling all too small. But before he could even react, Grayson suddenly bolted,  _towards him_. Damian wasn't prepared, a yell escaping him as he ducked out of the way. He could feel Grayson's arm barely swing past his head, and he rolled through the snow.

It crunched beneath him, and the cold was almost hurting him, but he didn't pay attention to it,  _couldn't_  pay attention to it. Because Grayson didn't stop, whirling around and striking again. This time Damian threw up his arm, deflecting the attack before jumping backwards to put distance between them.

"Nightwing!" Damian yelled, but his older brother attacked again, no mercy in his eyes. Damian grunted, falling to the ground and rolling over the ground. He jumped up, whirling around and for a second he was looking at his brother's unguarded back. The material of his suit barely protecting him.

But he couldn't just attack him, he couldn't hurt his brother.

The fist connected with his face before he could even make up his own mind. He reeled back, feeling blood pool in his mouth. He swallowed it without a second through, desperately putting his arms up. His mind swirled, swirled from the pain he was feeling, the disorientated feeling because of the hit.

But the most prominent thought; why was Grayson attacking him?

Damian could feel something strike his side, and he coughed, doubling over. Grayson moved swiftly, tackling him to the ground by taking away his legs under him. He felt a hand wrap around his throat, and his eyes widened before he crashed to the ground. His head smashed back against the snow.

The cold material awfully hard.

For a moment, everything was black, and then he blinked warily up at his older brother. His heart ran cold, stomach turning violently. His brother's hand tightly wrapped around his throat wasn't the worst thing, it was the absolutely hatred in his eyes, and Damian couldn't even get himself to wonder where his mask had gone.

"Grayson." Damian gasps, hands flying to the hand wrapped around his throat. He  _tried_ to breathe, but he wasn't able to get in enough air, leaving him gasping. "Please." He whispered, but he couldn't get himself to say more. He scrambled at Grayson's arms, trying to dig his fingers into his arm.

Grayson sneered, actually  _sneered_  in his face. "How many people begged for their life just like that?" He tone, filled with nothing but venom. "How many of them begged before you killed them?" Damian could feel his blood run cold, hands going limp.  _You're a murderer, a monster_.

His mind went… blank. That's the only way he could later describe the feeling. His brain just seemed to turn off. He felt his arms move, abandoning his neck. His right foot struck out, finding its way into Grayson's left armpit before Damian's left leg wrapped around Grayson's neck.

He rolled Grayson's body around, slamming it against the rooftop until he was holding Grayson's arm in his grip,  _ready to break it_.

NO.

He scrambled upwards, arm dropping onto the ground. Damian spluttered, coughing and stumbling across the rooftop. His throat burned, his mind swirled. He fell to the ground, fingers digging into the snow as a way to anchor himself. He tried to get back up again, but before he could do so he felt something strike against his cheek.

His head snapped to the side, and he completely fell into the snow.

He coughed, seeing blood splatter onto the otherwise white rooftop. His vision blurred, and he tried to drag himself away but he felt something heavy land on his back and he fell down with a low thud.

"I should've killed you when I had the chance." Grayson hisses in his ear, kicking him in the side. He grunted, feeling himself roll over with a last push. He tried to scramble back, but his hand slipped, and he could barely keep himself from toppling over the edge of the building of the skyscraper.

His eyes widened, but he could only stare up at Grayson.

"What is wrong with you Grayson?" Damian felt himself ask, voice tight. Grayson reached down, grabbing the front of his uniform.

"I want my parents back!" He yelled, and suddenly it became all too evident what was wrong. And he almost kicked himself for not noticing it sooner. The signs were all there, the breakout from Arkham, the suspicious lack of activity, and all the symptoms Grayson was showing right now.

He reacted before he could fully comprehend it himself, but he knew he had to act fast. Spots were covering his vision, and his mind was twirling. He could feel he was not going to last long anymore.

He didn't care, all he cared about was making sure his brother was okay.

Before Grayson could react, Damian reached into his belt before stabbing Grayson in his thigh. Grayson yelled, eyes widening and whirling his gaze towards the syringe now sticking out, the antidote slowly being released. There was a second where Dick's eyes seem to flicker with clarity.

.. And then Damian felt the roof beneath him disappear.

He was falling, wind whipping around him with no way to break it. He could just watch as he continued to fall. Limbs too tired to move, body not  _wanting_  to move. He could do nothing but continue to fall. His mind whirled around, vision continuously darkening more and more, until he could see nothing at all.

He closed his eyes just seconds before they rolled into the back of his head.

*

*

*

February 8th, 2020. 13:12

He startled awake suddenly, jerking upwards from wherever he was. He gasps, shocks of pain rushing through his body at the movement. He groans, folding himself into his own body, and squeezing his eyes shut as he let the pain rush through his system and out of his now shaking body.

"Damian?" He heard a voice say. Slowly he dared to blink his eyes open, glancing to the left. His vision blurred slightly, but it was clear who it was.

"Grayson?" Damian rasps, wincing at his voice. Pain ricocheting down his spine. "What has happened?" He breathes out, forcing himself to look at Grayson again. His eyes jumps with tears, but he blinks them away.

"I hurt you, that's what happened." Grayson whispers, not daring to look him in the eyes. Damian frowns slightly, but the image of Grayson looming over him quickly appeared again. The murderous look on his eyes, the willingness to hurt, the willingness to hurt  _him_ , that much was evident.

"That was not your fault, Grayson." Damian said in a low, determined voice. Dick didn't say anything, and Damian scowls. "Who did you see? Why were you attacking me?" He ignored the pain it caused his throat.

Then, Grayson finally looked up again, sea blue eyes shining with tears and threatening to fall. "I saw my parents' murderer." He whispers, looking down again. "I wanted to hurt him for what he did."

"He has died." Damian says softly, almost hesitantly. Grayson nods hesitantly, finally allowing himself to stand up and walk over to Damian's bed, sitting on the edge. He didn't make a move to touch Damian, or hug him like he'd often do. That alone unsettled Damian more than anything else could.

His older brother was notorious for his need for contact.

"I knew he did, even under the influence of the fear gas-" Because that's what it had been, fear gas. "But my mind... didn't. It didn't want to remember that, it didn't want to belief that this wasn't real. I should've realised-"

"You are not to blame for what you see under Scarecrow's influence." Damian insisted again, voice low.

"And yet I do." Dick murmurs, and still he doesn't move forwards, doesn't make any indication of  _wanting_  to touch him. And for some reason, that hurt Damian more than any physical wound could ever. He moves slightly, wrapping his arms around himself and ignoring the pain it caused.

His ribs hurt, but he knew he hadn't broken them. Most likely bruised them badly. His face still throbbed slightly. Too little to bother him, but still  _there_. His throat.. his voice hurt. It hurt to speak, but he didn't care at the moment.

"If it had been me, you would have told me to not blame myself either." Damian mutters. "You have told me before that I was not to blame for what I did."

"You are not Dami." Dick insisted. "What your grandfather forced you to do-" Damian winces slightly at the mentioned, but he shook his head stubbornly.

"What I did was not under the influence of chemicals Grayson, so if I am not to blame, neither are you." Damian snapped, biting down the hiss of pain as his throat vibrated with pain. Dick's face softened, and he carefully reached out for Damian's face, hesitantly brushing away a tear streaking down Damian's face.

The younger boy frowns slightly, not even realising the desperate tears.

"I guess we both blame ourselves Damian." Grayson whispers, chuckling dryly. Damian shakes his head.

"I won't allow you to." Damian murmured. "You did not kill innocent people, you did not-"

"Damian stop, please." Dick interrupted him. "I know… I know I told you that, and I didn't lie about that. None of it was your fault. But you and I both know it's not that easy to  _not_  blame yourself."

"You said I should not." Damian affirmed, and Dick nods.

"But you did, you blamed yourself for something your grandfather made you do, and now… I'm blaming myself for hurting you, I'm blaming myself for not being strong enough to avoid getting hit by fear gas." Dick continued. "And I know I shouldn't, but I do." Dick finishes with a soft voice, tears cascading down his cheeks.

Damian huffs, puffing out his chest slightly.

"You are a fool Grayson, and a hypocrite." Damian rasps, and Dick lets out a shaky laugh, rubbing at his eyes.

"You look ridiculous Dami." Dick chuckles, a shaky laugh on his face. He gently brushes against Damian's face again, being so careful the smaller boy didn't even feel any pain.

"They will fade Grayson, you did not hurt me badly." For some reason,  _that_  seemed to finally convince Grayson. He blinks for a second before he reached out, forcing Damian to lean against his chest.

"Tt." Damian clicks with his tongue, but he allows himself to lean against Grayson's chest, closing his eyes for a moment.

"You know it wasn't your fault right?" Grayson whispers, squeezing Damian softly. Damian huffs, tutting again before burying his face in Grayson's chest. He smiled at the action, because of  _what_  it meant. Damian was taking comfort with him, trusting  _him_  to comfort him despite what happened.

"And I'm sorry for what I did to you."

"Shut up Grayson." Damian muttered in Grayson's chest, and Grayson laughs. The sound vibrated through his chest, and Damian relaxed again in his hold. Grayson smiles softly, brushing his hand through Damian's hair, carting through it and gently brushing through all the knots.

Eventually Damian's breathing evened out, showing the boy had fallen asleep.

Dick moves slightly so his back was against the headboard, making himself more comfortable. Damian mumbled something softly, his hands reaching for the loose hoodie Grayson was wearing before settling again, a relaxed expression on his face as he continued to sleep.

It was a stark difference from the troubled look he always used to have, even whilst sleeping.

Never allowing himself to truly relax, even when safely in the manor. He was never allowed to relax, his mother had taught him to always be ready for something, an attack, a break-in, anything. It wasn't until he arrived in Gotham that people told him that he didn't have to, that he could relax.

And it wasn't until months later, maybe even longer than a year, that he finally allowed himself to.

Or tried to relax, but it wasn't often he truly allowed himself to relinquish all control, and Dick could almost cry, because Damian was fully relaxed right now. Despite what he had done today, and despite how much he had hurt his little brother, because he knew Damian's injuries were hurting him.

Damian still trusted him unconditionally.

"I love you, little D." Grayson whispers, kissing the top of Damian's hair before allowing himself to relax as well. Damian forgave him, never even questioned it.

Perhaps… perhaps he could also forgive himself.


End file.
